Starting Block

I have trouble starting things. I'm sure I'm the only one for which this is true. Like now. I need to be starting dinner. I need to start dinner so dinner can be actually eaten, baths given, stories read, and offspring  put to bed. But there is this very physical-seeming block preventing me from opening the package of ground beef, from adding the garlic powder and turning on the burner.

Part of it is a fear I have of screwing up the timing of cooking, which I always do. How long does zucchini REALLY take to saute? I don't know... maybe I should wait... And at what point do I toast the buns without having to serve them cold? And the biggest obstacle is timing dinner to be ready immediately AFTER the Barbie movie ends, to eliminate the torrential whining if the TV is turned off before she saves the mermaid kingdom or whatever. Which means I need to make sure the Barbie movie begins at a reasonable time, which is another monumental challenge, entailing the ending of playdates on time, provoking more whiny resistance.

This struggle with starting also applies to shopping. Yesterday I had one goal: to visit the Apple store in order to purchase Kindergarten level educational software that will work on my Macintosh. I began first thing in the morning. Took me two hours to get out the door (I have a four month old, so this is expected). I arrived at the mall, and a reasonable person would have b-lined for the Apple store, made the purchase, and be done. But not me. I have to get everything out of the way FIRST before I get to go to the Apple store. So this means getting some lunch at the food court, by which time the baby has noticed that she is awake, hungry and wet. So off to the Family Rest Rooms for feeding and changing. Then returning baby socks at The Gap (which are supposed to stay on but go flying across the room at first kick), then to the Hallmark Card for a card for Sophie, where I am sidetracked for half an hour agonizing about whether or not I should spend the stupid $26 on the Webkinz Jr. (I ultimately decide against it, having no space in my house for yet another large stuffed animal, and resenting that one has to buy the silly huge thing just for the secret code so you can go on the website and play the game once or twice.) By this time the baby is yelling at me, so I put her in the Bjorn and we walk through the mall with her singing and people laughing at us.

At this point I need chocolate, so off to get a mocha, after which the baby is wet again so back to the rest room. I finally admit that if I don't take the plunge now, I will be late in picking up the one for which I am working so hard. So I take a deep breath, and FINALLY head towards the Apple store. I take only a brief detour into a CVS, and then I make it. Finding appropriate software takes about two minutes. I think I'm gonna cruz and be okay for time, but then two Apple employees start squealing over my shoulder because they have spotted my baby. So I am obliged to pass my baby around the store and take pictures of all the employees holding her and emailing the pics to them from my phone. (I know I must do this because it is clear that my smiling baby was put on this earth to make people happy, so who am I to interfere?)

I finally pry my child away, pay for my software, and book it out of there. Of course gotta feed the baby before we brave the 40 minute drive back, which of course I have to do in 30 minutes because I didn't just head straight for the Apple store in the first place. I arrive 5 minutes late to pick up daughter #1, and get, "What took you so long, Mommy?" Sigh. I hope she doesn't inherit this personal flaw.