Comment Etiquette

I have a major flaw. I want people to like me. And I care if they don't. This flaw has led to many unfortunate experiences in my life.

Like in college I dated several guys who I didn't like very much, because I had succeeded in getting them to like me and I didn't want to mess that up. (I had an "aha moment" junior year when I realized that if I chose to date someone, I had to actually like them, and was proud of myself for how brilliant that conclusion was.)

And needing everyone to like me made me a VERY bad waiter. "Oh no! Table seven didn't get their Diet Coke! They'll be mad at me!" "Oh no! Did I just walk by the Mexican salad-making-guy without saying hello? Now the whole kitchen will hate me!" "No, I can't possibly push the lobster just because it's the most expensive! That would be dishonest, and the customers would not like me very much." Needless to say, my career as a waiter was short lived, which was unfortunate for an aspiring actress in NYC.

But now is the age of Comments. Comments on blogs, on Facebook, on YouTube videos, on nytimes.com for gosh sakes. I love to comment and receive comments. It's one of the joys of my day.

But here is my dilemma: Do I comment on someone's comment? Isn't that the proper thing to do? What if someone comments back on my comment? Am I obligated to comment on their comment of my comment? My logic tells me that there is only so much time in a day, and if I am inspired, go for it. But whenever someone says something very funny, clever, or heartfelt in a comment to me, I do feel it is my obligation to acknowledge this. They need to know how I appreciated this! That I laughed, snorted, teared up, etc. so they know what a caring person I am and they continue to like me.

This gets rather exhausting. Especially for a control freak like me. Before the Cyber-Age, I could pretty much keep track of everyone currently in my life. But now that I am in touch with folks from grade school, grammar school, high school, college, jobs, shows, blogs, mom friends, local music folks, friends of friends, random cousins I had forgotten about and so on, I just can't keep up. Should I not accept friend requests from people I don't know? Then I could control a smaller circle of people. But I want to reach out and spread that Gemini Joy, remember?? So I'll go for it! Be friends with everybody! Comment when I feel like it! Laugh or cry and not tell the commenter about it?... But what if their feelings are hurt and they are not encouraged enough to comment so cleverly in the future? I'd miss out and they'd stop liking me so much and...

I need a nap.